Big drums beating, dozens of people dancing madly. Drums form the outer circle, the people the inner one. At the centre is a glowing fire, getting brighter with every second. The drumbeats get fast, every thump making the people scream with excitement. The peak achieved, a loud resonant shriek, freezing water poured over the fire. A lake replaces the fire, swaying replaces dancing, humming replaces screaming, violins replace the drums.
That evening, it was raining. Weather has always had a big effect on how I think. And when I am that high, as I was that day, the effect magnifies by a mass proportion. I was alone in the apartment. I still had the urge in me just like the night before. I wanted to have that Vrooooooooooooooooooom, that familiar sniff, that smell, that rush of blood, that lightness of mind, that loud voice of my own heart beating, those movements in my stomach, that decelaration of time, Oh I just could not control myself. But that was not suppose to happen. I had promised myself that it won’t happen again. I did not want my life like this, I did not want to feel wasted, again. It was not to happen, but it had to happen.
The almirah opened, the clothes lifted, the hand mirror and those few miligrams in my hands, again.
Vrooooooooooooooooom. It felt like that.The sound of a car racing by your ears, just that the here the car is not lost into infinity, it goes on and on…Vrooooooooooooooooooooom…till you leave the land and are floating in air.
The time left in my life was running out fast. A clock with receding batteries. It would start at a position, try hard to move on but get back again, wherein the world would have moved forward by an hour. I would start a day, thinking about the night before, feel the pain inside, wash my pale face, see my face in the mirror, the pain used to get bigger. I felt lost, lost in a labyrinth, not a clue to the way out. Although I knew frome where I got in, but it did not matter. I knew I was dying a slow death. But was I afraid? Not really. A few minutes would pass, all the urges back as a fascinating orchestra, playing that familiar enchanting music, and I just did not have any other option than to succumb.
I decided to move out a bit, feel the fresh air, the freezing drops of water and listen to the chores of frequent lightning. I took the lift downwards, my head was still not at 0 kmph, it seemed like hours I had been in that elevator, but finally it opened, ever so slowly and I moved out. The breeze felt so nice and so fresh, as I had never felt that before, I took out a cigarrette and stood under a shade, the shops were all closed because of Sunday, and one confectionary gave me that shelter, from where I could see the twilight, the sun setting, and the street lights starting to gain momentum, the sparkling droplets of water, made the complete scene highly mesmerizing, whose stage was already set beautifully in my mind. I finished smoking and started walking on the road, feeling the light rain in the best way, the lightning made me shine. I stood on that bench where people sat during the evenings seeing the skies, stretched my arms, felt the droplets on my palms, the sky was so dark, and every drop on my face meant a feeling of purity, a sensation unparalleled. If there is something called being on top of the world, I was, at that moment. I felt like a bird without any burden of a companion, I felt free, I felt life.
Was there something which was missing? I guess yes. A man? Perhaps yes, i guess no, no! I wanted to be higher, not on top of this world, even higher, oh that urge was here again, and I wanted to resist it so much. It had been just an hour or so since I last had it. But I guess the moment was so beautiful I did not want to ruin it. The drums were beating again and I just had to had it. I rushed towards the apartment. I was there in the elevator, not alone. And just when I thought I am just some seconds away, there was a power cut!
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